Okay, so here is an update.  I am so excited for this summer.  It's a chance to renew myself.  I had gotten really down these past couple of months and made mistakes I shouldn't have but I am here to fix them.  I don't know what overcame me.  I made a fool of myself.  But from now on, I am going to be the new me.

I have a deep secret within myself that the Lord is the only to know.  It's not bad, it's a positive secret but it's a wishful secret.  I wish for something so bad and hopefully God will bless me one day with it. 

I am really glad that I went to girl's retreat.  I honestly was not going to come.  It was definitely a time for me that was needed.  I really needed to be surrounded all my christian girlfriends.  I feel that I have drawn closer to them. 

I feel spiritually happy now.  I feel so great.  I am still not where I should be but I am getting there. 

Today is my Uncle Danny's b-day.  He is my only blood uncle and he died before I met him.  It's funny but I feel like I have known him my whole life.  I feel close to him. I guess because when I was younger my family kept him alive when they would tell me stories of my dad and uncle's childhood together.  I have heard he was an amazing man.  I would really love to meet him but I guess I will get that experience one day.  Happy Birthday, Uncle Danny!

I have an update about my brother.  I don't know more than he has to have surgery on the 11th of April.  I thank everyone for their prayers.  Please continue praying for him and also with his surgery, I hope everyone can pray for my family and finances. 

I have been slowly getting better with my spiritual walk.  I don't feel downhill anymore.  I actually felt that way in a while.  I actually feel like...a spark of fire going with me wanting to pursue more with Christ.  I hunger for Him again.  It makes me so happy.  I need this.  I need this hunger and thirst for the Lord. 

My brother Hunter has two tumors.  When I found out, I basically jumped off the couch.  My baby brother...how precious is he...he doesn't deserve this...I wish I could take this from him.  He's seven.  He's one of my twin brothers.  I keep staring at his picture...remembering every memory I have with him.  I guess I need to stop focusing on trying to remember him..when he is still alive.  I should spend every moment I can with him. 

Lord, take my little brother into your hands.  Hold him..wrap your arms around him.  Heal him.  I don't want to lose my precious little brother.  He has so much more to live.  Hold him close...as I do.